I wonder . . .

I wonder . . .

if I’ll ever have a serious romantic relationship. Other than with the heroes in my books that is.

This isn’t an “I hate being single” post, because honestly, I sorta love being single. I love living alone, and having no-one to answer to. I love being able to do what I want when I want. Like today, I didn’t get out of bed until 12:30 in the afternoon, and after getting up, showering, eating breakfast while checking emails, I went back to bed for a nap.

It was then, during that mental floating time when you’re in a light doze that this thought popped into my head. Probably because I was feeling all cuddly and I didn’t have any one to snuggle up to. From there my mind went to the fact that I’ve never had serious relationship. I’ve never had someone I’d even call a boyfriend, let alone someon I’d live with.

Could I live with someone? I mean, I’m 35 years old now, and I’ve been on my own since I was 17. I’m pretty set in my ways and I like my space, I’m not sure I want to share it with someone. I’m not sure I could.

Part of me thinks regular sex would make it all worthwile. The cuddling on the couch on a lazy afternoon would be nice too. If I could find a man that would do my laundry I’d definitely consider it. I like to cook so I could trade cooking duties for laundry duties.

Today was the first time in a while that these sorts of thoughts entered my mind, and the the first time in a long time that I didn’t feel lonely when thinking them. It was a nice realization that I was content with that part of my life after the restlessness of the past week.

After all, if I was in a relationship, and I got restless, I wouldn’t be able to just take off to recharge myself in the mountians for the weekend could I?

I feel a trip to Jasper coming on soon.

7 Comments

  1. I think being comfortable with yourself and being single is the most important thing. I see so many women who feel they "have" to be in a relationship. When you’re okay with being single, you’re better prepared for being an equal partner. I’d say it’s up to you. If there’s a guy you’re interested in, go for it! 🙂

  2. Sasha

    That’s just it. There isn’t anyone that I’m interested in right now, and I’m ok with that too.

    It’s weird. There’s almost ALWAYS someone I’m interested in, but right now…nobody.

    Well, there is this guy named Angelo that’s been creeping into my thoughts and demanding some attention …but since I created him I should be able to fix that demanding streak of his. 😉

  3. I have the opposite situation, Sasha. I’ve been with my college sweetheart since just before I turned 19. We married a year and a half later and next January we’ll celebrate our 20th anniversary. I was lucky and got a great guy. There were times when things were rocky, of course, but overall it’s been good.

    I have no idea what it would be like to live on my own. I’m sure I’d be strong and able to deal with it, but would I be lonely? Would I feel like I had to have a permanent relationship again? I don’t know.

    What I do think is that by our age, (okay, so I’m going to be 40 this year, so not quite ‘our age’!) you do get set in your ways. Having someone new come in and be so different than what you’re used to would be so hard, I think. I don’t know what I’d do.

  4. Sasha

    S’ok Chey, I think OUR age is a good one. 😉

    I agree, I’m pretty set inmy ways now. I think the guy would have to be extremely special, and I just dont; knwo if I’ll ever meet someone that i feel that way about.
    I mean, it’s easy to find someone you’re attracted to, but to find someone to care and love is harder.

    AT times I get lonely…then I get drunk. :laugh:

    This isn’t one of this times, this is just more….contemplative.

  5. dreamweaver

    Ah, well, the balance is tricky, isn’t it? I’ve been on my own longer than you have, Sasha, & for the most part, I LIKE IT. I can’t imagine waking up to the same face every morning of my life. But I also know that’s because I never met the right face. 😉
    Maybe the ideal would be someone I could call when I wanted them, & who would leave me alone when I didn’t.
    But an occasional cuddling session would be nice–yes.

  6. Os

    All in good time my dear.

    I am 34 and single. I have had about 4-5 serious relationships and can tell you that while not privy to some great things (time together, steady sex, someone to lean on for support, someone to come home to on bad days), you are also spared some negatives. You’ve never had to experience a painful breakup or ever been cheated on. You’ve never been stuck in a relationship with someone whom you just know is a dead end.

    I think in life all you can do is play your hand. You can either go for 4-of-a-kind or the straight, but you can’t get both. They are both great hands, just depends which one you feel most comfortable going for. Either way you get pluses and miss out on some things. If you feel comfortable waking up in the morning, you are already so far ahead of the game.

    I live my life enjoying my youth. Being adventurous, traveling, experimenting, trying. I do it in my youth because that seems like the best time to do those things. There is plenty of time in your golden years to slow down and settle in for the long haul with someone special.

    Os

  7. Camille

    Well you know me and you know I’ve been with my guy for oh, 18 or so years now and I have to say there are days when I am so envious of you I can hardly stand it! Don’t get me wrong. There are a lot of great benefits of being married, and as far as being great goes, my guy is no worse or no better than anyone so this isn’t a gripe either. It’s just that when you are single you have noone to anwer to and that is worth a whole lot some days. So remember on all the days you lament being single, I probably have as many lamenting that I’m not! There are pros and cons to both and it would be good to find that happy medium space where you could have the best of both worlds but it aint ever gonna happen. (unless I can join you for a no-tell weekend! LOL!) And about finding the "right" one…I honestly believe that any guy can be be the right one. They all take work. There will never be the "perfect" man, or woman for that matter. We are all different and living together takes a Giant heroic amount of compromising and some times it;s easy and other times its so hard i could scream! Anyway, I’m rambling but I’ve having one of those I wish I was single days, fantasizing about old beaus, and wishing I’d done a whole lot more before I "settled" down LOL!
    :hehe:
    Camille
    BTW once you’re married with kids sex is WAY more difficult! :crazy:

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