Disappointments

The worst thing about being single isn’t being alone; it’s thinking that you might have found someone and then being disappointed.

I feel that I can speak about this with confidence because I’ve been single my whole life. Well, I’ve had lovers, but not boyfriends. How do I define the two? A lover is someone I occasionally spend time with, usually in the bedroom (or NOT in the bedroom if he’s adventurous 😉 ) and a boyfriend is someone that’s a lover, and a friend.

Working nights, in a pub, probably doesn’t help me in my search for that special someone. The men I meet, if they are interested in me, tend to ask me what I’m doing after work instead of “Would you like to go out sometime?”. I don’t get many invitations to dinner or a movie. In the past I’ve fallen for some smooth talkers that have turned out to be attached, or just out for a good time. I like to think I’ve learned my lessons and if that makes me a bit cynical about men, so be it.

But recently it’s been proven to me once again, that I can be suckered by charm.

One night at work, one of the other bartender’s came up to me and told me this guy was asking about me. We traded up and I served him a beer. He was nice looking, my age, (which I admit is unusual, mostly I end up with younger guys). So we chatted and I flirted a bit (I can’t help it! I love to flirt!!). Before he left he asked me out for a drink. He got my phone number, and email (as it’s easier to get a hold of me by email than by phone) and left. I got an email from him the next day, and we traded back and forth for a while. And although I have three full days and nights a week off, we couldn’t seem to set a date. He dropped into the pub and saw me. We talked and he left saying he would see me in two days. The other bartender told me to relax and let myself get excited over him. He wanted a real date, not just a fuck! “Relax and enjoy the giddy feelings,” she told me. Cuz, you all know how you try not to get your hopes up when you meet a nice guy, in case it doesn’t work out. Anyway, she got me all excited about him, telling me not to be so cynical, that he seemed like a cool guy, and he was my age so not such a flake.

Uh huh!

I didn’t see or hear from him for two weeks.

It was actually longer, because I was in Greece when he apparently went back into the pub looking for me. Yet, he never emailed, or called. My friend Anna, when in Greece, made me promise to email him when I got home. To not be so cynical, and to put a bit more effort into getting something going. So I did. He seemed very excited to hear from me and we made another date. He came in to where I work again, just to say hi on Friday night. He ended up staying for a few hours, sitting with some friends of mine. He had a great time, he told me how he wanted to take me for a nice dinner…blah blah blah. We decided he would call me on Monday and we’d go out that day.

I haven’t head from him since.

Now, I must tell you that my biggest pet peeve is when someone says they’re going to do something, and they don’t do it. That goes for anything, not just men and dating. If you say your going to do something, and you can’t make it for whatever reason, then say so. I’m not a total bitch. I do understand that life doesn’t always go as smoothly as we’d like. But to not call, or acknowledge what’s happened, is just rude. And disrespectful too. I don’t think that’s too harsh, do you?

So, I think I’ve permanently given up on romance. On the fairy tale of meeting that special someone. The person that you like, that could be a friend and a lover. I’m going back to acknowledging the fact that some people are just meant to be single. Strangely, I am a bit disappointed, but not too hurt. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past, I may not attract boyfriends very well, but I don’t have a hard time finding a lover.

(And in the back of my mind I am NOT hoping that the man I chose for a lover turns out to grow into a good friend and the love of my life. Nope, I’m NOT doing that!!) :rolleyes: