I’m single. I’ve been single my whole life. Sure, I’ve had lovers. But no boyfriend, significant other, or loved one.
So I’m wondering, in a RELATIONSHIP, in one that you feel/want to last forever (when you either see marriage in your future, or are married) how important is the sex? Would you marry, or stay married to someone you loved, but couldn’t give you an orgasm? Or what about if you want to expand your sex life (i.e.: into role-playing, Dom/sub, or adventurous locations) and your partner isn’t into it. Would that be enough to make you think you weren’t meant to be together? Is being with someone that can’t/won’t satisfy you better than being alone?
And on the other side of the coin….what if the sex is great, but you’re not happy with other aspects of the relationship? He’s unemployed and doesn’t have any money to go out with, so you often stay at home and have great sex. Or she’s a nagging bitch, but when you’re having sex she makes you feel like a God. What if you’ve been together for years, and you like him, but are not in love with him, but the sex is good. Should you stay together?
How do you know when it’s time to call it quits, and when it’s time to fight for the dream?
For me, sex is very important. It’s probably easy for me to say, if the sex isn’t good then the relationship won’t last because I’ve never been in love. ( and all my “relationships” have been with the understanding that we’re just in it for ‘fun’.) On the other hand, I’ve met guys that have asked me out, and they’ve been nice guys that I enjoyed talking too, but felt absolutely no chemistry with. Was it a mistake for me to turn them down? Could the spark have come later, after I spent more time with them? Or isn’t that something that should be there from the beginning? Whether it’s a spark of lust, or anger, or frustration, or whatever? Shouldn’t there be SOME sort of strong emotion or interest when you meet?
What do you think? Have you meet someone you felt an instant attraction for, but walked away because they weren’t the TYPE of person you thought you wanted? Or have you dated someone just because they asked, only to fall deeply in love with them later? Or maybe good sex saved your relationship? Or ruined one?
How important is sexual chemistry in a long-term relationship? I may never have one….but that doesn’t mean I’m not curious about the answers. 😉
\"Or have you dated someone just because they asked, only to fall deeply in love with them later?"\
Yes. Happened to me. I turned the guy down for months. He drove me nuts. Then I hit a dry spell, got horny, told him he had one shot, one kill. (We were both in the Army.) He surprised me. 😉 My bluntness surprised him.
I saw him again, then again. I really liked him. Then I loved him. Truly, madly, deeply. We dated for a while. Considered marriage. Didn’t work out. I was heartbroken.
I still think about him sometimes…
There’s one guy I think about every now and then too. I met him in Dublin, and had one night of closeness, (with no sex) and the emotional intenstity, the fact that I actually really liked him, scared me enough that I left for Belfast the next morning. Then I tried to contact him from Belfast to ask him to join me…and he’d already left the hostel too. I regret runnign away…what if he was THE ONE?
Man, I haven’t thought of him in a while.
My relationship with my husband was rocky from day one…11 years ago. We would break up and gfet back together because we both had trust issues and didn’t want to admit that someone could have such a strong hold over our emotions and our hearts. Been married now for going on three years. We have two kids and we recently seperated and looking at divorce because we had no communication when it came to sex or any other aspect of our marriage and relationship. Sex had its good days and its bad days. We talked and let it all fall where it would one day and now sex is great, and the marriage is working towards being better than it has been before. Sometimes you have to work through the petty stuff and realize that if your love is true then you should be able to say anything and talk about anything with the one who knows your deepest darkest secrets. No matter what anyone says love that is meant to last must be worked at…it doesn’t come naturally.
I don’t think you should stay with someone simply to avoid being alone. I dated someone for close to seven years. The last two and a half years of the relationship I wanted to leave, but was too scared, even though I’d been unhappy for a while. As soon as I realized that being alone was far better than settling for something less than what I wanted, I was able to make a clean break. Nine months later a Highlander walked into my life for good. 😉 He was everything I’d ever wanted in a man and the last person I would have looked at, if I hadn’t decided to change the ‘type’ of person I went out with.
Everyone has a story. I love it. Myself….sometimes I think being single is better than ebign with someone I’m not in love with…but sometimes…I think it sucks, and I should just settle. I don’t know how much longer I can wait for Mr. Even Close To Being Right.
I’d rather be happy alone then lonely together! I have had GREAT sex, and felt totally alone, and I have had so so sex and felt complete with my lover. But I think there is a greater chance of working on great sex than working out personality clashes. Either way though a committed relationship is hard work, everyday. Sex is the reward for making it work ~smile~
If it’s the right 1, there should be some sort of spark. Sex is important but not everything. It takes a lot of hard work to keep a healthy relationship going. Some days are bad, some are the best you’ve ever had. But if that initial conection isn’t there, then you’re just fooling yourself. It’s never ok just to settle. Just because ur with someone, it does’nt stop u being lonely.
I married my first husband because he was a nice guy. Great friend. (Very beta.) I loved him, but there was no spark and I wasn’t physically attracted to him. I actually made up excuses to not have sex. Eventually I realized that enjoying his company and having a smooth relationship wasn’t enough. I needed spark and passion.
My second husband (we’ve been together 9 years now,) is the opposite. We don’t have the greatest friendship, he’s arrogant, a know-it-all, (total alpha) and he drives me nuts. But he’s sexy, the passion is there and the sex life is great.
Sex itself has never been important to me, but physical attraction and chemistry is! FWIW. 🙂
Sex can’t save a relationship IMO. Good sex can’t make up for not being able to pay the bills because he’s a no job having loser LOL Trust me on this. I’ve made so many bad man choices I’ve decided I’d rather be alone for now. And I’ve also reached a point where I feel very content in being alone. I don’t feel that NEED to have a man around and frankly, I’m not sure I want one.
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