I’m half Italian ~ Half Irish, and I was raised Catholic. I went to Catholic schools my whole life. However, my Mom said when I lived on my own, I coufd make my own desicions abtou the chruch and religion and when I first move out on my ow, religion was the last thing on mymind. But when I went to Nepal, (I was 24) I started to discover spiritualism. I spent just over three months there, and came back with a thirst fro more information. Since then I’ve learned more abotu many different religions and I have to say, I’m not a fan of any of them.
But I am a fan of spiritualism. I believ ein a higher power, I beleive in Karma, I beleive that we get what we give, and that eachperson should do their best to live a decent life and not intentionally harm others. There’s more to what I believe, but that’s nto whatI want to talk about.
The reason I’m bringing this up is because I spent some time on the phone with one of my very best friends tonite, and the hints that I’d seen in her in the last couple of years have now sprouted into something I’m having a hard time with. She just lost her job because she trusted the wrong person. She chose to say somethign that could get her fired to aperson she thoguth woudl keep it to herself, and this person didn’t. So now she’s lost her job.
Now my firend has a long histroy of trusting theworng people. This isn;t the first time she’s said/done the wrong thing to the wrong person. But, this time her reaction, after crying and saying she’d picked up bag of weed to make herself feel better, was to say, “I know that God has a plan for me, and this is just part of His plan. I need to keep the faith.”
Okay, I’m not knocking God, but that statement made me want to smack her. I wanted to say “This isn’t God’s plan! This is poor judgement. When are you going to take responsibility fro yourself and your actions?”
But, I’m nto rady to lose her as friend. ANd I do think that when I say something like this, I will lose her, because in my experience, people with new-found faith, tend to be willing to give up everything for that faith.
I don’t know why I’m blogging about this. It’s not real cheerful, but I’m just not sure what to do, or not do, or say. I’m perfectly ok with letting her have her faith, I believe in live and let live. But I’m having a very hard time dealing with her shifting responsibilty. I think there is a time when people need to grow up and be adult. AM I the only one that see’s it this way? AM I over reacting? AM I making sense?
Sasha – I agree 100% with you. I myself don’t claim a religion but I believe in a supreme being. I pray but I don’t attend church. I believe that there is a plan for each persons life, we are here for a reason that is why everybody is endowed with different talents and skills. We are given choices, but there is no set destiny. We have to make the choices that drive our destiny. Kind of like those books we read as kids where you got to decide at a keen point what you would do then turn to a specific page to read the results of the choice you made for the storyline. People should accept responsibility for there own actions, but believe that whatever happens because of those actions, God will be there to help them through it. EX: Parents should never blame God or ask God why their 3 year old child was run over by a car, when they were the one allowing him to play in the front yard by a bust street without supervision.
:rolleyes:Paula I was thinking of those same books when I was reading the blog…I feel the same way. Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we deal with it.
Up until about 8 years ago I went to church most every Sunday, thought sunday school and vacation Bible school, but then the peoples in the our church group started fighting over how things are supposed to be. I question my faith, read the Bible and gave up my religion, like you I still have my faith and am much more spiritual now.
And I really worry about people who use that statment.
Taking responsibility for your actions is probably the single most towering problem that exists in the world today. It certainly fuels 90% of all lawsuits.
I honestly don’t believe when people say it’s God’s will that they buy weed or do whatever bad behavior they do that they truly believe it. Deep down they know they’re lying to themselves. It’s just their way of justifying their behavior to whomever they’re speaking to at the time.
As for what you should do, you aren’t going to be able to do anything other than listen to your friend. Until she’s willing to take responsibility for her actions, your advice will go in one ear and out the other.
This isn’t just about religion… its about society… nobody accepts blame… everything is someone else’s fault. From Native land claims to the mechanic who can’t get the car fixed right the first time!!!!
LIFE helps those who help themselves
Sometimes when something really traumatic happens people will turn to the ‘there’s a reason for everything’ to make it easier to cope. I’ve done that. I understand where it comes from. But there is a time when people do have to take responsibilty for their actions, like you said.
You know, I agree with a lot of what you say here. As I’m sure you know, I’m a strong Christian. But I get so sick of people who think they’re Christians who don’t get what God’s will is. God’s plan is not for bad things to happen to us. On the contrary, He wants the best for us. However, He’s not Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy waving a magic wand to make everything perfect for us. We’ve got to take some initiative and responsibility for our own lives and get out there to make positive things happen.
Okay, trying not to go off…
I do understand, though, about the poor judgement of people sometimes. I’m pretty guilty of trusting the wrong people, even when I know I probably shouldn’t. I’ve lost a lot of friends because they’d tell me, oh don’t trust so and so, and of course, I didn’t listen, and of course, I got screwed over. And even though I miss those friends, I have more appreciation for the friends who stuck by me anyway. There’s something really powerful about a friendship where the friend can say to me, you’re making a big mistake, but I love you enough to respect your decision. And okay, I don’t do really stupid things like drugs or something truly life threatening. But sometimes it’s okay to let someone be stupid.
Geez, I should write a book. LOL.
Hugs, Sasha. You’re a good friend to listen, and that’s probaby what she needed. You’re right, though–she needs to take responsibility and shrug it off to God as if she has no role.
Thanks everyone, for not taking my post the wrong way. I know religion is a tough subject, btut his isnt; so much about religion as it about how some people use it as a crutch.
I think everyone should take their faith and comfort where they can (spiritually speaking) wihtout judgement. ANd I do try to stand by my firends even when they make choices I disagree wiht. This aprticualr one is sofrustrating becasue I’m worried about her. V used to be a big pot head, and she quite for a couple of years and straightened her life out. To hear her say she picked up some weed (and yes, I know there are worse drugs out there) and is just going to "trusyt in God’s plan" made me feel liek she was sinking back to where she was before. And that’s abdicating her own personal responsibility.
Like you’ve all mentioned, it’s nto som uch a church things as it isa personla thing. People need to take responsability. To me, if she’d just said "I trusted someone I shouldn’t have. Or I made a bad choice." It woudl all be cool.
SHe was doign so good for a while, and it hurts to see her slowly backsliding. And I admit, I’m scared to tell her I think she’s backsliding because when I staretd to hint at it, she got very defensive and that’s when she staretd to Go on about God’s plan for her.
I believe God does have a plan, and like Paula, I think our choices effect thatplan more than anything. Like Danica says God isnt; Santa Clause, we need to make out own choices.
Man, I think I’ve gone into babble mode.
Thanks for the comments and hugs. I really appreciate them.
Sasha, your friend is right. God has a plan.
That plan is for her to use the brain she was given, and to practice free will. What happened to her was a direct result of her choices, not some cosmic-fate deal.
Amen.
Sasha–would you believe we’re close in ancestry? I’m 1/2 Filipino, 1/4 Irish, 1/4 Italian…raised Catholic. And that’s all I’ll say about religion.
Your friend is lucky to have you as a friend. And I agree with all who said it’s a societal problem. Nobody’s willing to take responsibility for themselves, and everybody has an excuse or thinks they have a "get out of jail free" card. Sooner or later, it’s all going to catch up.
Hey Sasha; It’s your bud from work.
Don’t panic every one I’m not the friend she’s having trouble with. 😀
I completely agree about the personal responsibility thing. Spirituality is a huge issue to take on with ones friends. I, too, am spiritual but do not consider myself religious. And like you, Sash, I have lost a lot of friends over it. I am pretty careful now whom I share my beliefs with. It’s important for me to keep in perspective that while God wants us all to be cared for, he does not guarantee happiness or not receiving more than we can bear in life. It’s been my experience that God only helps us bear what we get dealt. Sometimes it is too much. In my case I usually am carrying burdens of my own making, or at least are the result of some stupid decisions I made in the past.
‘Kay, rant done. And Sasha, the best friends are the ones who respect you for giving them your real self, even if it means saying something they don’t necessarily want to hear. Hugs, Laurentine