Hey everyone, I want to introduce Lucinda Betts to you. You’ve already met Bonnie Edwards, and you know me And now you’re going to meet the third author of the PURE SEX anthology. That’s right, all three of us are together in the July Aphrodisia anthology. Whoo hooo!
So, Introducing Lucinda Betts!!!
Hey Partygoers,
I see Sasha has been entertaining everyone in the highest of style over the last few days. Cheers, Sasha! Thanks for the invite! I’m holing my bottle of Dos XX up for you to clink, complete with lime.
It dulls the pain.
I, Lucinda Betts, made my first sale a year ago this month. Kensington bought six manuscripts. Six! I thought I was the shit. THE shit. When my crit partner asked me if I was going to RT, I said, “Why would I? I already made my sales. I have an agent and an editor.”
Well, once again I’m embarrassed at being such a smartypants. My mother always warned me my cocky attitude would get me in trouble. And she’s right. Mothers usually are, damn it.
I wish I were at the RT!
Okay, I know I don’t need an editor or agent, but I’d sure love to meet my Aphrodisia Sisters, meet the other editors, see who the hotshots are. Who wouldn’t want to drink a margarita with Kate Douglas?
And then there’s the whole marketing thing. I should be meeting my potential fans.
But dejection and I aren’t real good friends. I found a way to drown my regret. I found two ways, actually.
First, I checked myself into the Montauk Yacht Club from Sunday until yesterday. (Which is my excuse for my rather rude sudden appearance—sorry I wasn’t adding to the blogs til now!) Day Spa. Heated Pool. World-class chef. The works. And let me tell you about the staff…yum. Jamiaca, mon. The legs, the accents. Yep. It eased the pain.
The second thing I did was meet all the other party animals here in cyberspace.
Hey! It’s great to meet you!
Clink.
Hey, better watch it. This tastes better without foam, but I appreciate the enthusiasm!
Speaking of enthusiasm, I hear Sasha wanted excerpts. Bonnie, you did a great job losing your excerpt virginity. Your captain seems mighty tasty, and poor Teri looks like she’s in desperate need of the manly equivalent of a banana split.
These days I’m not a virgin in any sense of the word. Except maybe lion taming. I haven’t tried that. No, in all seriousness, I’ve got excerpts up on my website. You can check them out at www.LucindaBetts.com.
But because I really am a festive girl, I’m putting something all new here on Sasha’s blog. It’s an excerpt from NIGHT SPELL, which comes out in September. Think magic and fantasy and dreams and dragons. Think tents and captors and thieves. Oh, and lots of healthy man flesh. And some lovely woman flesh, come to think of it. You switch hitters out there, and you know who you are, have found your author.
Enough teasing. Here’s the excerpt.
Oh! One more thing… (I do enjoy the teasing.) I have cover flats to give away from NIGHT SPELL and PURE SEX. And, PURE SEX is coming out next month, so…
So, how do you get a cover flat, or, if you can wait til the end of June, how do you get a copy of PURE SEX? Well, Bonnie Edwards and Stephanie Tyler are so very classy, wanting thoughtful answers to thoughtful questions.
Personally, I just want Stephanie’s SEAL. I hang out in way too many bars looking for him. (Cheers to you, Sasha! And all the great bartenders of the world!)
I am just to damn hungover to think of a thoughtful question, so here’s the deal. Tell me a joke. A good one. I want to tell it in a bar, halfway inebriated.
The three funniest jokers will get an autographed copy of NIGHT SPELL and PURE SEX cover flats. The gal that makes me laugh so hard that beer comes out of my nose gets an autographed copy of PURE SEX.
SWAK,
Lucinda
From “Bed Sport” in NIGHT SPELL, by Lucinda Betts. Available in September, 06.
Larkspur padded along the trail, slowly at first, then picking up speed as her assurance grew. The dragon might have been able to smell her, but he wasn’t stopping her—at least not yet. She’d see the day through, if fate would let her.
Fate had a different idea.
He grabbed her from behind before she’d registered his presence. His hand clamped over her mouth with an iron grip. His other hand grasped her thigh. He brushed her sex as he did so, and it sent an electric jolt strong enough to taste.
Lightning fast, she aimed a donkey kick at his groin and simultaneously sent an elbow into his solar plexus.
To no effect. Her heel met air as he stepped aside, and her elbow glanced off his chest. The hateful creature wore leather armor.
Larkspur feigned capitulation, collapsing into his arms, pressing her hip against his cock to distract him.
Her ploy worked. He relaxed his grip. Then she pivoted and threw all of her weight into a rabbit punch.
Not fair and not pretty, but certainly effective. He fell into a heap at her feet.
Larkspur looked at the man, at a loss. First, he was huge, and potentially dangerous. Second, she didn’t want to leave him loose. That punch had been loud enough to tell the dragon exactly where she was—where they were. She didn’t want him to get roasted—at least not until she knew more about him. She grabbed his ankles and dragged him down the path. By the goddess, the man weighed as much as a horse.
I hear you, Thief, Ekal the dragon rumbled. His mindvoice sounded strangely groggy.
But what are you going to do about it, you big bulky thing, Larkspur thought to herself. Then she thought better of such snide remarks. Maybe he could read her mind.
Larkspur pulled the prone man down the narrow path and into the next grotto. No dragon could fit here. She hauled him deep into the tiny cave, surrounding them both in pitch dark.
And then the darkness flickered. Larkspur realized that the man glowed with the same haunting green as the lair’s heart. That was convenient—at least she could see.
But his glow suggested something else. Had he already stolen a dragon cloak of some sort?
And maybe he already had the Jewel!
Larkspur efficiently patted down his sides—velvet ribs, warm muscles, a tapering waist. No Jewel. She patted from his ankles to his hips. Naught. She skimmed over his cock, behind it, smiling as he grew hard from her hand. By the goddess, the man was big.
Her prisoner twitched. He’d be waking soon, and she had to make up her mind. Now.
The man was a thief—the cloak, his sneaky technique made that clear. The bounty on the Jewel was enough to tempt nearly anyone, and Larkspur couldn’t let this man take the treasure. She needed the thing herself.
Despite the fact that master thieves were generally master assassins, she’d rather not kill the man unless necessary. So…
So she could tie him up and leave him until after she retrieved the Jewel. Or…
Or she could team up with him. He was good, definitely blessed by the Goddess. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone had successfully sneaked up on her, especially when she’d been alert. They could both bring the Jewel home. They could both save Phlox and the other maids of Greenhaven.
She pulled a rope from her bag, to tie him for parley. But before she could inhale, he was on her. He tossed her to the ground with the precise efficiency of a herdsman tossing a calf. A heartbeat later, she was pinned on the ground under his massive thighs.
Panting for breath, Larkspur realized he was too huge—and wily—to best in a fair fight. She usually admired that in a man, but not when crushed underneath him.
“Hey, stud.” Larkspur spoke in a whisper, but the sound seemed to echo in the grotto, making her wince. Ekal’s wrath was the last thing she needed now. “What do you have in mind?”
In the flickering light, he met her gaze. What she saw made her heart stop.
This thief was gorgeous. High cheekbones. An aquiline nose. Thick dark hair hanging in his wide-set eyes. His gaze was piercing, almost otherworldly, and his eyes were the most unusual shade of blue—robins’ eggs with a handful of grass.
She opened her mouth to say something—anything—but he grabbed her waist with perfect deliberation, never breaking eye contact as he pulled her to her feet.
Larkspur realized then that the alluring musky pine scent belonged to him, not the dragon.
He pulled her closer. Against her will, she felt a surge as strong as the tides. Not many men had his perfect thief technique, and not many men looked this good. The combination was deadly. She wanted him to pull her closer still.
But the equinox was mere days away. Her sister… She had to run.
He might have other ideas, though. Unless she misread him completely, his expression meant only one thing. Her need to nab the Jewel and return to Greenhaven might be completely beside the point.
Well, maybe she could turn his craving to her advantage. In fact, maybe the quickest way to the Jewel was in his arms.
Larkspur turned the tiniest bit to press her ass into his palm. She brushed her breast against his arm.
With a subtle shift in his posture, he increased the pressure. Despite the man’s massive stature, he was so gentle, almost tentative in his approach. Something inside her jaded heart melted. As sudden and surprising as flashfire, desire ripped through her.
Almost as if he could read her mind, he tightened his arms around her, and she sucked in her breath at his brawny strength. What was this hot, unpredictable passion that he awoke in her?
Goddess knew she’d seen men gazing at her hungrily, but he made her feel ripe enough to eat. For a heartbeat she fantasized that he was one of the fertility worshippers and that he’d roam her curves with his tongue and fingers. He’d savor the river between her thighs, and he’d be hers.
Knowing her yearning would be written in her face, she looked up at him. His reaction surprised her. She saw the oddest emotions there—fire, yes. But what else? Shock? Confusion?
No. She saw vulnerability.
He ran a finger slowly across her cheek. The deliberate caress nearly undid her. Larkspur forced herself to breath.
A kiss would come next, she knew, a kiss that would both satisfy and leave her wanting. She closed her eyes in expectation.
Instead he heaved her over his shoulder like a sack of grain.
Fantastic excerpt (almost typed sexcerpt LOL)
here’s my joke *s* (well maybe short story?lol I dunno)
Once upon a time….
a girl asked a guy “Will you marry me?”
The guy said, “No”, and the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, stayed skinny and farted whenever she wanted.
The End.
congrats on the 6 sales !!!!!!!!!!!:mrgreen:
boy i think we all wished we went to RT place, i would love to meet you authors that make my world livable!:grin:
jokes , i suck at those
tell u something funny that happen today to me, which was very embarrssing but funny to my older kids, i totally sucked at balancing checkbooks, i tend to forget to write down what i spent and ,then i forget to dep the money my old man gives me for days, so i tend to let things go bounce bounce, then have to pay the extra 31$
(yes my bank makes a good 200$ off me in last 2 months) so asshole goes dep money, afdter the big fuss over me not counting and adding and subtracting :cursing: anaywaysssssssss
im standing in line at the grocery store, as i get out my bank card to swipe it, my 9 yr old, lovely piece of shit, very loudly ask, IS IT GOING TO BOUNCE AND DADDY HOLLER AT YOU AND MAW TELLING YOU, SHOULD WENT TO SCHOOL INSTEAD OF BARS
i could have crawled out of the store :oops::confused::blush:
Hey, Lucinda! Great excerpt, particularly that ending! 😆 Glad to see you made it! But I have to say I’m envious. Jamaican accents! We were just talking about accents. 😀
Congrats of the sales of the 6 manuscripts! I think you handled the whole situation of not being at RT quite well. Pampering oneself and wallowing in indulgence is so much better than wallowing in sorrow.
The excerpt looks like quite a bit of fun and now you really have me curious about the book!
As for a joke…if you are half way inebriated a joke should be short and easy to remember. It is generally also the time to get all philosophical about life. So….
If a man is standing in the middle of the forrest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him…is he stiiilllll wrong? :huh:
I am horrible at jokes so I am not going to hurt you with any, but congrats of the 6 manuscripts and the exerpt was great.
Great excerpt! Lots of tension. Here’s a bar joke:
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long – but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.” The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.”
New FDA Alcohol Warnings for Booze Bottles
1. Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
2. Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a loser.
3. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again.
4. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. Consumption of alcohol may convince you that your ex is really dying to hear from you at 4 am.
6. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can’t remember).
7. Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
8. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that you’re tougher than a really big guy named Kong.
9. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
10. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
11. Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small… or large gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
12. Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
Great excerpt!
6 contracts, wow, Lucinda, that’s something to celebrate! Congratulations!
Okay, I’m sober now. So, who’s idea was it to ask for jokes?
A better question is how am I going to pick the best ones? I know. I’ll go bar hopping tonight and the one that gets the most laughs from the crowd wins. (I’m still hoping for that SEAL named Jake!)
SWAK,
Lucinda
Wonderful excerpt!
I am not great at jokes but here are some one liners about what is Male or Female:
) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It’s an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it’s often over-inflated.
4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there’s the hot air part.
5) Sponges are Female, because they’re soft, squeezable and retain water.
6) A Web Page is Female, because it’s always getting hit on.
7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn’t changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.
10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it’d be male, didn’t you? But consider this – it gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and
while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!
Congrats on the sale and great excerpt. Someone told me this joke:
The husband had just finished reading the book, ‘MAN OF THE HOUSE’.
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, “From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”
His wife replied, “The %*#*&% funeral director would be my guess!”
I don’t know if a suitable bar joke but here it goes:
THE BEST DEAR JOHN LETTER EVER
A young girl on a year’s training course in South Africa
recently received a “Dear John” letter from her boyfriend
back home.
It read as follows:
Dear Mary,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance
between us is just too great. I must admit that I have
cheated on you twice since you’ve been gone and it’s not
fair to either of us. I’m sorry. Please return the picture of
me that I sent to you.
Love, John
Mary, with hurt feelings, asked her colleagues for any
snapshots they could spare of their boyfriends, brothers,
ex-boyfriends, uncles, cousins etc.
In addition to the picture of John, Mary included all the other
pictures of the pretty lads she had collected from her buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope along with this note:
Dear John,
I’m so sorry, but I can’t quite remember who the hell you
are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest
back to me.
Take Care, Mary
I loved the excerpt.
Hey! Luuuuccccinnnnnddddaaaa…hot excerpt. What an imagination! Dragons yet. (g)
No jokes here, sorry. But I loved the ones posted so far! The wife’s picture…snort! and the list of warnings…been there, for sure!
I’m going to select my winners today ! yay!
Six sales at once…doesn’t get much better than that…congratulations!
Know what will make me jump for joy? Having my name larger than the title…another tiny goal…another hill to climb.
Glad you’re with me & Sasha in Pure Sex…it’s one rockin’ antho!
Bonnie:cool:
Oh, no …you got me started on jokes, lol. Here’s a few more..I’ll think you will see a trend.
Anniversary Joke
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him “Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat”. The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.
Husbands and Bulls…..
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the
first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding
bulls.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign
attached that said, “This bull mated 50 times last
year.”
The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs
and said, “He mated 50 times last year.”
They walked to the second pen which had a sign
attached that said, “This bull mated 120 times last
year. ”
The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said,
“That’s more than twice a week! You could learn a
lot from him.”
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign
attached that said, in capital letters, “This bull
mated 365 times last year.”
The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke
her husband’s ribs, said, “That’s once a day. You could REALLY learn
something from this one”
The husband looked at her and said, “Go over and
ask him if it was with the same cow.”
NOTE: The husband’s condition has been upgraded
from critical to stable and he should eventually make a full
recovery.
LOL Shuck Ying! I love your jok.
The others are greeat too…but for some reason that one just hit me right. LOL
Yo mama so old when I told her to act her age, SHE DIED!!!!!!!!!!! 😆
Sorry ya’ll I love that joke ……..my son told me that. Isn’t that sad? 😳
Name the place, Lucinda…
Well, my Friday night has started pretty early, and I’ve been taking advantage of that happy hour special–I I could be a little on the tipsy side.
But if my eyes don’t deceive me, I think I see Jake over there!
Hey big guy! Yeah, I’ll take another margarita. With the cuervo, of course. And lots of salt.
Mhmm. That’s nice. The drink is good, too.
Jake, honey, those long, black straps keep my sandals ON my feet. They aren’t for you to play with. And no, you can’t tie my feet to the bedposts with them. I barely know you.
Well, youre right. That hasn’t stopped me before. But I have just one question for you–Does Stephanie know youre here?
Lucinda, honey – bare is the key word there…
Not sure if Steph noticed I left yet…there’s a big party going on at her place. I ended up inviting some other people and things were starting to get a little out of control…she could lure me back with promises of MY book.
now, about those straps…
Well Jake, Stephanie’s loss is my gain.
Another drink? Mmm. But there’s no need to get me drunk to take advantage of me. I’m pretty sure I’d like to remember you in the morning. I hear you SEALS pride yourselves on endurance.
What’s that? You think I can help you with the book thing?
No, no, don’t stop that thing youre doing behind my knee. I don’t care if people are staring.
The thing is, Jake. No offense to the Navy and all…but I don’t know how youd fare against the dragons and wizards you’d be up against in my hands. I mean, I know this bitch who brews love potions to leave you senseless. Yes, even you.
And they last more than one night. But that doesn’t mean you have to stop.
I mean it, Jake. Do not stop.
LOL, Lucinda, I should warn you…Jakes pretty familiar with Gypsies, magic and even Greek Gods. LOL He’s a pretty well-rounded SEAL…You might be uhmmm gettign a little more than you bargained for.
But uhmm, in a very very good way. 😈
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute.
“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment. “Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
Well this weekend has been too hard on my braincells. Last night, I told each of the jokes to my friends at the bar. They laughed at all of them.
Yes, I know, Jake–they were all a little tipsy. But it was Saturday night. By the way, I want my sandal back. And my panties. I don’t care if you DO collect them. Give them back.
So, here’s the deal. If you want signed cover flats of PURE SEX and NIGHT SPELL send me your mailing info offline. My e-mail is LucindaBetts77@yahoo.com. Shuck Ying’s jokes got the most laughs from my laughs. Don’t be upset if your joke didn’t win. My delivery can be rocky after the third or fourth drink. I’ll send Shuck Ying a copy of PURE SEX when I get one myself.
SWAK Lucinda (who loves to be invited to parties! Thanks Sasha!)