When people ask me what I write, I tell them, usually. I don’t always tell all of my customers ( Day job is a part-time bartender. ) mostly because they’re men, and they’re drinking, and sometimes I just don’t feel like dealing with the inevitable questions. So basically, the regulars all know I write, and what (some have even read my books) But when others ask what I write I just say fiction/short stories.
I’ll tell some of them that it’s erotica but not many because, really, it’s none of their business. Anyway, I was having a great conversation with one woman the other night about goals and motivation and stuff. My writing came up and I was open about the fact that the stories I had published were erotica. She asked me, “Do you write erotica so you can pretend to be someone else?”
My answer was, “No, that’s why I write romance.”
It brought to mind the fact that the only man I’ve ever received flowers from is my Dad. That I’ve never actually been on a dinner date, or a movie date, or a picnic, or any of those other things that are supposed to be ‘common dating rituals’.
Is this true for most of the single women today? Is this normal? Is romance still alive and well out there and I’m just not seeing it, or is it dying a slow death that will only live on in novels? And Why do you read romance/ erotic romance?
Another quandry I’ve been mulling over…recently one of my co-workers picked up Lush the other day. When I asked her if she liked it, she said “Yeah, but I can’t help rolling my eyes when I read teh sex scenes.” and giggled.
I asked if it was too explicit, or if it was because she knew I wrote it? (I have one freind who loves erotic romance, but she won’t read mine because it makes her blush to know *I* wrote it. LOL ) Anyway, this lady looked at me and shook her head with a small smile and said it wasn’t the explicitness, or that I write it, but that “sex just isn’t like that in real life.”
The wierd thing, I’m single and I find that sex can and often is as good as what I write, but I’ve yet to experience the romance. She’s been in a long term relationship and is getting married next month, and she thinks sex is never as good as in a book, but she’s had the romance.
What do you think of that? Is it the just a coincidence, or a personality thing? I don’t know if I could marry a guy who didn’t, or couldn’t, rock my world every now and then, no matter how much he romanced me. Maybe writing these stories has skewered my expectations?
I don’t think romance is dead. I’ve been with the same man for ten years as of next month and he still does little things that are very romantic. As for dinner dates and such, it just tells me you aren’t going out with the right kind of men. *g* 😉
The poor girl who’s getting married has sadly decided to settle. 🙁
I think I’m gonna have to go with Jordan on this one–of course I haven’t been on a date since Jesus was a baby but I still believe in the romance I see in other people’s relationships and (while I’ve never had a 3-some) I have had great sex and I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive of each other.
Glad to hear it’s nto completely dead…but the funny thing is…or the question I’m debating is… are single women still being romanced? I mean, I know *I’m* not…but to be honest, I also know I’ve given little chance for it to happen, so this isn’t really about me. But I don’t see it much either. And I used to, especially as I work in restaurants and bars, I usually see at least some romance in the couples that come in…but I haven’t in quite a while. (no flowers, no cuddling, no hand holding)
Maybe it’s all behind closed doors? LOL
:bored:Romance? What’s Romance? other than a good book? I must say that my hubby romanced me in the beginning with cards and flowers, but not in the last few years..I think romance changes the longer you are together…We both work full time, I just finished college (again), and we have a 14yr old and a 3yr old…No time for romance….so now, Romance to me is my hubby mopping the floor on his day off so I can sleep in on my day off, or my hubby taking our boys out so I can paint my toe nails, or read, or just have peace and quiet. Or, to get an overnight sitter for the boys and go have good conversation over dinner & wine, then come home and have freaky sex all over the house–which he gets in return for giving me free time to read erotica…
That being said, I think if a man does not try to romance you in the beginning, ditch him—he should want to please you, to make you want to be with him. . .Go the extra mile.
What I find the sexiest, most romantic thing about a man is if you can tell he is IN LOVE with his wife or girlfriend–Like Jon Bon Jovi and Tim McGraw–granted, they are sexy anyway, but when a man smiles at the mention of his wife’s name, or dotes on her–now that is romantic..
Hi Sasha,
I read erotica because I’m single and horny. Lol I also read erotica for the same reason I read most books, to escape from boredom. I’ve never been on a date either, and I’d love to meet a man and do the traditional romantic dating and falling in love thing. But it’s more complicated than it used to be I think. Guys don’t need to be romantic in order to get sex, so I don’t think most men wanna put forth the effort of romance. I think if women demanded to be taken out on dates it would happen more. Maybe thats the key, or finding a man who wants to be romantic, I want that kind of man 😉
I’m worried about your friend who is getting married but says sex is never as good as in your books. She should Stop Now and get out of that wedding before it’s too late!!!! Recipe for disaster….
I agree. Great sex to me is a VITAL part of a relationship. That’s why I’m all for havign sex on a first date. That way you know right away if this guy’s going to rock you or not. If not, get out before it starts.
And yes, that sex can get better in time once you get comfortable and know each other, but I’m all about the first wild time. If it’s wild and crazy and has me panting for more…than I’ll date the guy again and again and again. :love:
I’ve never got flowers from a guy either. Maybe it’s the guys who are bad in bed that feel they need to compensate with flowers and romantic gestures?
Intersting View points…and I think it’s somethign we’ll never really know…but one conclusion for sure..I think women who read romance, or erotic romance, are less likely to “settle”. I guess we just know that it isposssible to have it all….maybe. :light:
When my husband and I first got together we had outrageous sex all the time. Now with time gone by and kids, our sex life isn’t quite as outrageous but never have I felt that I settled. He’s not a romantic in the traditional sense but he does things for me that “I” consider romantic.
Now my best friend who’s been single for a while met a guy who is TOO romantic. She feels like she’s the man in the relationship! Wonder what’s going on with that… :confused:
I will never settle for mediocre sex again! Been there, done that. I can’t live without hot sex , I sooo agree with Vivi on that. Try a guy on… if he doesn’t make you float… don’t go further.
Romance is different for everyone… it is actually a very subjective word. Lol
Traditional romance is still out there. One of my good friends always brings me flowers when we meet for drinks. It is all in the guy’s personality.
The type of man I am attracted to sexually has fewer tendencies toward traditional romance. I love the dominant, take control kind of men. Part of the romance with my current guy, is he orders my dinner for me after asking me what I want. 🙂 I LOVE that…that is romantic.
Hugs and kisses,
Lacy.
I agree the word “romance” is extremely subjective but I’m inclined to think that you can have rock-your-world-sex and romance in one package. My husband and I were horny singletons when we got together, now we’re horny (but not smug) marriedes. There is still romance, we make time for it, a date night, dinner, something to keep us communicating talking and yes…sexing it up. 😉
To me there is nothing more romantic then knowing I can have sex, make love and f-ck the same guy, whatever my fancy happens to be that day. Of course I’m just one of those weird chicks who likes to play, a lot.
Hi,
Just reading what Jordan wrote I felt bad for her.
Sasha, you do not have a skewed view of romance or sex for that matter. I’ve read Bound and look forward to reading all of your books but Bound effected me in such a way that it’s difficult to describe. It’s probably the best book I’ve read and it’s all because of the naughtiest sex scenes – I love them, can’t get enough.
Sasha, I hope you never change the way you write, fortunately it’s never too raunchy for me!!
Lisa :jump:
:ko: I’ve had romance, from the wrong guy and great sex with the wrong guy. I’ve found that great sex and romance tend to waver even in marriage and even if you live together and are not married….I’m looking for a guy that is good in bed and who believes in romancing me. I read romance to remind myself what I’m looking for and to keep looking and because I have to have something to dream about at night!! LOL