Okay, Last week I slacked off on the Sim Camp post and I had no reason to becasue Amie sent me an amazing post for it. However, I was distrated by work and the V-Day fundraising, and forgot to post it.
So …When Aimie says last week on The Biggest Loser, she means the week before. For those of yu who watch the show, you’ll know what she’s referring to. (And since I give up my cable I’ve been missing it. 🙁 )
So, Without Further introduction… Guest Blogger Amie Stuart
Issues
Last week on the Biggest Loser, Jillian brought her mom, a psycho-therapist in to talk about why the black team eats. Lots of deep issues were revealed. I thought it was really interesting that the three women on her team all had “been abandoned” by their fathers (in one form or another) at a young age (not to mention the child abuse whats-his-name went through).
Wow….just wow.
I agree with Jillian in that you’ve got to know your issues, you’ve got to know what trips your trigger, and not just when it comes to food. We ALL have issues; some of us just carry our baggage better than others. J
In the interest of, well, full disclosure, I’ll show you mine…please bear (bare? LOL) with me…but I don’t expect you to show me yours.
I have abandonment/rejection issues that I can trace way, WAY back (And in case you’re wondering how far back, I remember a story my parents used to tell and laugh about that I later realized wasn’t funny. My adoption was finalized in May ’70, my dad was shipped to the PI shortly thereafter, and we followed months later. Once we arrived though, I wouldn’t have anything to do with my dad unless he had a Coke in his hand. Maybe I read too much into it; maybe not). Anyway, I think, somewhere along the way that whole rejection/abandonment thing came into play and I used food/weight as a way to hide. I was the kid who sat in the back of the class and never wanted to be called on even if I knew the answer(s). If you can’t see me, then you can’t judge me. The thing is, I’m tired of being invisible, so I’m definitely working on this one (if the nose ring and purple highlights are anything to go by).
However, I’m not sure I was actually an overweight child. Maybe I was just chubby but active. Unfortunately, having a mother who was 5’1 and weighed 100 pounds soaking wet (and didn’t look a thing like you) carting your ass off to Weight Watchers at 8 or 9 didn’t do much for my self-esteem. That’s not to say I *didn’t* have eating issues, I very well may have, but I think she could have handled them better. Hindsight is 20/20 though.
I’m *hoping* that I’m handling food better with my children. I try real hard *not* to nag about weight but I do keep track of how much and what they’re eating (especially my youngest who is definitely the chubbiest —and most sensitive–of the two). And I encourage them to stay active.
So what about you? Are there any issues that trigger your eating (or do you just have a sluggish thyroid?)? Is there a particular point in time you can look at and go, “See, there it is. Right there.”
Think about it for a while…I’ll wait. And I’m not asking you to share, but feel free to if you want. Otherwise, a simple yes or no would work.
*****
Thanks Amie!!
Well, I wanted to share … My progress so far.
03 / 90 pounds. 3% done!
Not a lot, but I’m thrilled I didn’t gain any while writing. Even better, in Feb when I was writing, I did gain 6 pounds. But in the last week I lost that again. (plus one) Probably water weight as I drank lot’s of soda while writing.
So my total loss since starting is 9 pounds..but I’m only 3 down from where I started..if that makes sense
I believe some of my eating issues stem from my mother always making us clean our plates, whether we liked what was served or not. I started getting a little pudgy around the age of 10 after the doctor put me on iron pills – I felt starved all of the time. Suddenly I was told that I really needed to starting watching what I ate; that I was eating too much. WTF? Talk about confused.
I’ve been an adult for a very, very long time and I know how to eat properly and I’m responsible for my own actions, so I can’t blame all of my weight issues on my mother, but I truly feel that those mixed messages as a child started the battle.
I’ve never made my daughters eat anything they don’t like, but I did encourage them to try new things. They never had to clean their plates and most importantly, as children, I would never have said anything about their weight. A co-worker, who weights about 120 lbs. was constantly on her daughter as a teen because she was a little thick through the hips and thighs. That poor girl has self-esteem issues out the wazoo now as a young woman. My oldest daughter (22) is also a little thick through the hips and thighs and while she would like to be thinner, she doesn’t beat herself up over it and has loads of confidence. My youngest (17) is the polar opposite, weighing in at 108 even though she eats like a horse. I’ve gently told her that she needs to be prepared for the day that she won’t be able to eat like that without consequences.
I hope a lot of women comment on this subject as I find it very interesting. Thanks, Amie, for sharing your story.
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Laurie, That friend of yours who daughter is a bit thick in the hips and thighs…that’s me. The kid I mean. I’m not sure where my issues with eating come from, but I’ve always been bigger than the other girls. In junior high my gym coach told me I had to wear different shorts than the other girls because the other ones didn’t fit me propoerly. Tlk abotu self conscious! I wasn’t overweight either. I thnk abtou it now and I was the same hieght I am now, and I weight 120, was a size 10. Not super smal, but very athletic.
Again in high school my teacher took candid pictures of all the kids inthe class to keep for herself. She gave me ine and said “I didn’t show anyone.” Like it was real bad. I looked at that pic and thought,what’s wrong with it?
I look at it now and see that I, in no way, looked like a teenager. I was one of those teens who looked like a 20 year old. Which explains why I was always the one to buy the drinks. LOL
Anyway, my Mom, well, she made comments too. Just little ones. But the thing is, I look back now and see they were never really about my wieght, that was just what I hear. The comments were all about my figure…in a way that I dressed like a teen, and looked like an adult.
I think I just basically am an emotional eater. I never really gained wieght until I was 32. When I quit martial arts, and a year later I started writing, and that really changed my lifestyle.
Now I eat when I write..and thats so not good. I think it’s partly because I have a hard time sitting still for long periods…so getting up and getting something to eat is a habit.
My eating issues are mostly habit. WHen I get bored I eat. WHen I get lonely , I eat, when I get restless, I cook..and eat.
I was an active child. I took dance, gymnastics, played softball, basketball, etc… Until it became a competitive school selection thing. However, I still swam in the summers, rode my bike, etc.
My younger sister had no weight issues – the skinny size 1, 5’9″ brat cheerleader. Nor my brother – who wasn’t a sports freak BTW.
I know my issues. They are similar to Amie’s, but not with the abandonment scenario. My mom constantly rode me about my weight. I remember her asking our family doctor what I could do when I was about 11. His answer? No more bread. Hasn’t that fad come around and around again?
I have a chest and I’m short. Not a good combination when everyone wanted to look like the 80’s Madonna. I think I was in junior high when my mom took me in for a body wrap. Could anyone convey their dissatisfaction with your looks in a more “in your face” way? My mom had her own weight issues and I think she projected them onto me, because I wouldn’t tell her to go screw herself.
I know I have physical reasons why it’s hard to lose weight now. I have only a tiny slice of my thyroid left and take synthetic hormone to replace it. I’m pretty sure I’m pre-diabetic, which was exaccerbated by pancreatitis a few years back.
I also never got over being an emotional eater. The last year’s emotional upheaval is responsible for at least 15 pounds that I am fighting. I need to lose 25. Last March I was within 6 pounds of my goal weight. This is what I allowed stress to do to me.
There, I put it out there.
my mother always making us clean our plates
Laurie you know …NOT cleaning my plate was one of the hardest things I had to learn. And hey, some women ARE just thick through the hips and thighs. No matter how small I get I know I will be too.
And I totally don’t blame my issues on mom ( I hope I didn’t sound like it). I am all about owning up (and I’m HUGE on personal responsibilty), but I think it’s important to know where these things come from, so we can understand them and move forward 😀
Sasha…I always looked older too. (on top of different LOL)
LYnn look at it this way…after all you’ve been though, you’ve only got 15 pounds to lose not 50 🙂 I’m serious, there’s totally a bright side!
Le sigh. My biggest problem with food is that I treated like an inconvenience. It’s something I have to do. Sure I enjoy it once and a while when I go out with friends but other times I am more than happy with skipping meals. I don’t think that stems from any issues because growing up we ate three meals a day. I just think I’m lazy. And I also don’t like eating when I’m not “hungry”. *shrugs* :confused:
I was always thin. In my 20’s I was at my thinnest, but I used to party like a maniac, smoke, drink, dance 5 days a week, and had lots and lots of sex.
When I was pregnant I gained A LOT of weight in the last month, overall I gained 50 pounds, had a premature baby that was in and out of the hospital for months. Then had marital problems.
So, needless to say I stopped smoking, drinking, dancing, and having sex. So I’m still trying to drop those extra pounds.
Great post, Amie. I’ve always been the one in my family that didn’t struggle with wieght. At least I could make that claim before having two children. I’m not quite to the weight I’d like to see myself at, but I’m at the weight my doctor told me to shoot for, so I’m happy with it. That said, I do still watch what I eat and I try to work out fairly regularly. And I know that my oldest daughter is watching my husband and me closely.
She’s a little chubby, but I blame the carbs. It’s all she wants to eat. Which is funny because when my MIL was overweight and babysittin all the time that’s all she fed her. Now that my MIL has gone to weight watchers and lost weight she’s decided everyone else should too. She inormed my daughter one day that she needed to make better eating decisions. Um, hello. You helped program the way her brain works.
That said, I’m grateful for the pediatrician we have. During my daughter’s last well visit, the doctor talked to her about how much fruit and salad she’s eating and how much exercise she gets on a daily basis. Yeah, my daughter didn’t fair too well, but the doctor didn’t tell her that. Instead, she challenged my daughter to double her fruit intake (from zero to one a day) and then after awhile double it again and so on until she was getting the 5 servings a day. She also challenged her to get a pedometer and count her steps. The minimum steps that any person should take in a day is 10,000. After accepting the doc’s challenges, my daughter dropped 5 pounds in a month.
Then she hit a growth spurt, put more on, and now that I watch her I see what she has turning into muscle, which as we know weighs more than fat.
I defintely think there’s a right and wrong way to handle weight with kids. It’s too easy to make them think they’re fat and therefore less of a person.
Nikki you look FABULOUS!
It’s so tough with kids!!! That’s all my oldest wants to eat too (carbs) but he’s not having near the weight problems the youngest is and funny enough the youngest eats better–which is all relative. You’re right. THey do watch us probably a lot more than they listen to us!
I just keep thinking if I keep them active they should be okay….I also don’t keep a lot of junk in the house. Unfortunately, their dad is a soda junkie so they come home on his weekends wired!
*Sigh* Vivi…….right before I met my ex I started running and dropped about 20 pounds. Then I got preggers and packed on a whopping 50 pounds just like you did.
I agree, sex has a lot to do with why I gained wieght. Or I should say Lack of sex. I started writing about it and stopped having it! LOL
Well, okay, not stopped completely, but well…k. I’m shutting up now.
Anyway, I agree about the kids thing. It’s got to be so hard now days to challenge them to be active when there is so many video games and such.
Thank you everyone for sharing. It’s wonderful to know we’re not alone.
LOL sasha i barely remember what it is.
It definitely has been –thanks ya’ll!!!
I need to stop by more often! I’ve been trying to lose weight since November. I diet, I slide, I diet, I slide. And it’s all to do with whether I’m writing hard or not.
I’d love to blame my weight gain entirely on my nonexistant thryroid, but I really should be doing more.
Maybe I’ll be back for inspiration! 🙂
I’m not sure I could pinpoint one thing..maybe my family always sticking food in our faces for every emotional confrontation we faced our the fact that once I began to outweigh every member of my family (even the boys) my mom quit buying me clothes but lavished on them on the others…even though that meant I had to go around with jeans way to short. Her constant complaining when she had no choice but to buy me clothes. I grew 3 1/2″ in on month and grew steadily from there. I am the only girl over 5 7″ in my family. I do think now though it’s partly my cuurent relationship, which is really like my Mom all over again, except it’s my boyfriend who constantly put’s me down. I watched Dr. Phil the other day, something I normally never do, but he was speaking of a narcistic type attitude. Though I was watching and I related that thi was in fact Ricky and my Mom…I still found excuses for them or maybe for myself.
Hey D! Welcome to Slim Camp. *grin*
Scarlet, it sounds liek you know what you need to do, you just don’t want to do it yet. One thign I heard at some point in time that has always stuck with me is...If you don’t love and respect yourself, why should others?
Understanding others, and their type/attitude is good, but understanding it, and still letting them put you down is not. And, I fully acknowledge that doing something is never is as easy as saying something, so I wish you luck in finding your own way to true happiness. *hug*
And, I fully acknowledge that doing something is never is as easy as saying something,
Boy ain’t that the truth!!! I’m the world’s best advice giver *ggg* Just ask me. Okay seriously, Scarlet, I don’t talk about my ex a lot (honest) but he’s also narcissistic–it’s a tough relationship to be in and I still have to deal with him even though we’ve been apart for so long because we have children. Take it a step at a time…a day at a time and as Sasha said love yourself and respect yourself. It’ll come. Trus tme 😀
BTW I don’t know how tall you are but I envy you–I always wanted about three more inches *sigh* I have a very tall aunt and a very tall cousin but I’m average
Thank you for the kindness of your words, beleive me I do think all the time , probably to much…I actually only hit 5’9″ but my torso and legs are both long and while it helps (with weight gain) to keep me looking slimmer, I allso carry it all in my hips and thighs, with a small waist and just as small breasts….big time pear shape!