Fucked up Thinking

Fucked up Thinking

I think I sabatoge myself sometimes. Well, I know I do when it comes to weight loss, and to men..but right now I’m talking about writing. I know that I should not let what other authors, close and not-so-close friends, are doing effect what I do. Yet, sometimes I see things, be it a promo, a new group formed, a chat, an anthology…and it cuts me deep to see that it’s something I feel I would completely fit in, yet I wasn’t invited to be part of.

It’s happened before and I’ve mentioned it to others, in the “Man, I’d loved to have been part of that.” way, and been told. “We thought of you, but we know your so busy right now.” Or something similar.

🙁 Uh huh.

I know that letting myself wallow in the feelings of rejection, aloneness, and yes, a little bit of envy and jelousy are not healthy…but that doesn’t stop me from feeling them. It doesn’t stop me from thinking about how hard I’ve worked, and how much time and energy and money I’ve put into promotions and wondering if I’m fucking crazy for caring that my peers don’t seem to see me as one of them. Or that I don’t feel that they see me as one of them.

Knowing that it’s the story that matters, is sometimes not enough to stop me from being distracted by the peripheral stuff.

16 Comments

  1. I love that saying, Jordan.

    Hugs, Sasha. For me the big thing is conference season when everybody goes off and I stay home to write and take care of small people. That’s when I feel like the left out author. But I plan to use that time to write some fun projects that I’m really looking forward to doing. :mrgreen:

  2. I think this RT will be my last confernce. My last romance one, anyway, and probably my last one inthe US. So next year, maybe you and I can do a dual project during confernce time.

  3. You’re on! Dueling keyboards! :duell: Although I’m sorry to hear it’s your last US conference cuz I’d hoped to meet you at one of these things someday. Then again, there’s Maui… :great:

  4. (((hugs))) You know I believe in you, sweetie. I barely have time to breathe as it is, but then I also feel the pinch of jealousy when I see something going on without me. it’s a natural human emotion.
    You, my dear, are a wonderful, talented person and you’ve got lots of friends that love you.

  5. I keep returning and reading this and shaking my head while making goldfish faces. The reason – as a reader, my perception is and has been for quite sometime that YOU are one the big shining stars in your genre of writing.

    I can’t wrap my brain around the cliche thing and you being excluded. Doesn’t compute. I guess all i can add is please keep doing what you’re doing because people like me appreciate it and see you as the example that others are trying to follow. Seriously.

  6. Baby Doll-

    Don’t beat yourself up. It’s all good. You wanna put something together? I am there! Like sauce!!! We can get tshirts and everything…YOU SAY THE WORD. yeah it suckeths muchly. Just as bad as sucking when I went lingerie shopping yesterday. I hate it..with a passion…I feel the sales girls are always staring and whispering..But you know what? I bet I sashayed all my glorious fyness in front of em, and threatened them to say something rude to me. *winks* Cliches do not ever work…Uniqueness does…I love you girl. Hang in there!

    PS….
    going to see my honey in Mexico Thursday.*woohoo*
    callie :mrgreen:

  7. Hey Sasha…if they don’t invite you to do theirs, you can always do another of your own. I got a copy of Secret Thoughts wowsa. ( and I am sure there are other writers that would have loved to be included)

  8. *huugs Beth* I know life is nuts for you right now. It’ll get better soon. I have faith!

    Rhian! Thank You!! I do feel my career, as far as stories and such, is heading in a great direction and it’s wonderful to hear that readers think so too! This left out feeling is a sort of playground idiot thing I think. Me just being hormonal??? 😳

    Callie, Lingerie shopping? You have my sympathies. While I love lingerie, I HATE shopping for it. At least I hate it when I can;t find anything that fits… 👿

    Thanks Diana! Long time no see. Have you been lurking? LOL

  9. Aw we all think like this, jealousy is totally natural to feel in this business when others are doing stuff that YOU want to do.

    I really look up to you and admire what you’ve done, what you’ve written. You’re my new role model! :inlove:

    I’m sorry that you won’t be going to anymore conferences in the US. 😥

  10. Sasha,

    Whenever anything comes up you’re are truly the first person I think of no matter what it is.

    To me this genre is almost like being in high school again. There’s the seniors (multi-pubbed New York authors) the juniors (pubbed New York authors) the sophmores (multi-pubbed and well established e-pubbed authors) and the freshmen aka me.

    And all of us seem to be trying to get to the popular table.

    I’m not saying there are cliques and I’m not saying there aren’t cliques. I’m just saying with everything else we have to contend with, getting published, staying published, sometimes we can’t but help feel rejected, alone and etc.

    I know I feel that way sometimes too. Just know this, like Clarice aka Karen said, you are our hero and we really look up to you. I hope this made a little bit of sense. Hehe. ((hugs)) I hope you come to conferences in America, if not it will be hard for the Feistiest and Clarice to stalk you. :mrgreen:

  11. I don’t think I could tell you anything that these other people haven’t already said. Just know that I think you’re an amazing writer and person. 🙂 I feel lucky to have been given a chance to meet you and I hope more opportunities for that come up!

    Erin

  12. Debbie E

    SASHA, I’M OLDER AND FROM WHAT I’VE LEARNED IN LIFE – IN MOST THINGS IN OUR LIVES – IT IS LONELY AT THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN OF SUCCESS!! I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYBODY LEFT OUT WHEN THEY ARE HAVING LESS SUCCESS THAN THE ORGANIZERS OF WHATEVER FUNCTION YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT BUT I BELIEVE THERE IS FEAR OF SOMEBODY BEING BETTER THAN THEY ARE AND THEY DON’T WANT TO BE LOWER ON THE RUNGS OF THE LADDER SO THEY PICK PEOPLE THEY BELIEVE ARE LESS SUCCESSFUL THAN THEY ARE.

    KEEP YOUR CHIN UP – I KNOW IT HURTS – BUT TRY TO FOCUS ON YOUR ADORING READERS BECAUSE WE KNOW YOU ARE AT THE TOP OF YOUR GAME AND IT ISN’T A FLUKE EITHER.

    THINK ABOUT IT! UNFORTUNATELY IT IS TRUE. :love:

    I HAVEN’T BEEN AROUND BECAUSE MY LIFE IS EXTREMELY BUSY RIGHT NOW – MY MOM WAS ILL FOR A WHILE AND IT WAS SCARY. SO I’M NOT AROUND MUCH.

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